Diary of the last nine hours

No country for small caterpillars or Herald typos

4.45 am

Wake to sound of rain on roof. Good to hear. Weather has been so mild. There was a Monarch caterpillar in our garden on the weekend. Lovely to see a caterpillar but no winter is not a good sign, eh. 

5.45am

Still raining. Reading about National party board member Roger Bridge, aka “Merv” on the talk radio.

“Merv” told Marcus:

Look I'm in Manurewa and I'm a bit confused because there's billboards all over the place with this Nuwi girl. She's already standing in Manurewa and I was ready to vote for her but now I understand she's going over to Auckland Central - I'm that confused. I'm that confused and then I have this photograph come through today.

Media bailed him up, said what’s the story Roger, or should that be Merv? He told them no idea what you're on about mate. But tape gets played to other National party types and they say yeah that’s old mate Roger.

Troubling, this, having a senior party figure forgetting his name and being confused about where he lives. Not what you look for in a strong team. 

5.55am 

Reminiscing about that time John Banks had a radio show and his cabinet mate John Carter rang up pretending to be an unemployed Maori called Hone who didn't like the fiscal envelope. Says a lot about your strong team when your colleagues will go to that much effort to make your radio show interesting. 

6.45am

Siri turns on Morning Report.

6.46am

Was lockdown a stress test for marriages? The answer, various divorce lawyers say, is yes. They’re all busy. It's sad and awful but there's also a flourish to it when lawyer Jeremy Sutton describes clients having taken stock of who they were cooped up with in lockdown and concluded: Life’s too short.

7.15am

They’re talking to a resort owner about the need for a Rarotonga NZ airbridge bubble and he’s making a pretty compelling case but, well, there's always a but with this virus. Now we’re talking about the possibility of maritime arrivals hauling the plague into paradise and off we go again.

Now I’m wondering how are things going with patrolling our own maritime arrivals?

7.20am

Five minutes or so of The Extremely Heated Debate Between People Living Here And People Who Are Not, round 94. I just tentatively offer this point: this state of things is probably not forever, and if it is, well god help us all. Assuming borders open again in a year, perhaps two; would having to wait, or defer, or miss out, if it comes to that, necessarily be too high a price to pay in a time of crisis? Unfairness is everywhere in this, it's too much to hope it to be otherwise. Isn’t getting to the other side with the least amount of harm what matters most?

7.40am

Mindful of what Jeremy Sutton recounted I resolve to share with Karren the news that I have, as I often do without actually letting her know, eliminated a large bug insect weta thing that had been sitting on the wall, because she always makes it clear in a surprisingly loud voice that she doesn't like discovering them very much.

I point out, with reference to what we've been hearing from Jeremy Sutton, that this would be an example of the extra unseen benefits of me. She advises I am appreciated.

7.50am

Judith Collins is asking National supporters to vote for David Seymour in Auckland's Epsom electorate.

Her words are

I don’t need to have little cups of tea or anything, because everybody knows that David Seymour and I work very well together

She likes that word, little.

On Covid-19 precautions:

We've got the Prime Minister telling us we're going to have regional lockdowns if we're not good little people

On the students climate crisis protest:

Their little protest is not going to help the world one bit.

Their little deal has certainly become an established tradition, with or without the Earl Grey and biscotti and recording devices. Here’s a More Than A Feilding archive bonus.

8.35am

Professor Michael Baker is talking vastly more sense than Gerry Brownlee  was yesterday, as you might expect.

Why are we talking about masks now? Because, he says, there is a much clearer understanding now that the virus is highly infectious at the outset and before symptoms may be evident, and a mask is the best way of stopping its spread. Should transmission appear again, universal mask wearing could be sufficient to  shut it down without having to go to the full extent of lockdown. 

If Gerry Brownlee should drop down in front of you saying this is a conspiracy, why now, what are they hiding please refer him to Professor Michael Baker 

9.45am

Paula Bennett is this week being paid by New Zealand to be an MP and is also this week hosting talk radio and this morning she's getting stuck into evil cannabis six weeks before New Zealand has a referendum on cannabis reform and honestly everyone, put your hands together and make some noise for New Zealand’s absolutely incredible sense of humour.

10.30am

A blogger is astounded that the media is describing the selected candidate for Auckland central as a "former Bondi Beach lifeguard and press secretary" rather than a "communications and media professional who is a senior manager at NZ's largest bank"

Fair call,  lamestream media, lift your game.  Here's how you do it:

Emma Mellow has been named the national team candidate for Auckland Central, a senior communications manager at ANZ.

You may know ANZ from its previous appearances in the media where the former CEO quit after the board got antsy about his chauffeur and wine storage and  $450,000 a year in expenses, but not before in the name of taking market share off ASB he ramped up lending in Auckland and set the Auckland housing market on fire from 2012 to 2016. Young Auckland salutes you for that, chief.

That would also be the bank chaired by former Prime Minister John Key and which got all surly about the Reserve Bank’s proposals to lift capital requirements and which was by all accounts a bit lukewarm about lending money to people feeling Covid pain, even with the government doing the underwriting.

It all feels a bit like the ANZ has become the National Party’s new Sky City, a kind of spiritual home away from home.

All of which makes the following error in the mainstream media the most excellent of Freudian typos. Auckland Central, if you like this sort of thing, do consider giving your electorate vote to the National party candidate who lives in the electorate in an apartment with her finance.

11.30 am 

Out in the freezing rain to check for the caterpillar. No sign.