Dear Laura Ingraham in America, broadcasting the terrifying truth on Fox News

Diary of the last 24 hours

4.45pm yesterday

Watching footage of Laura Ingraham in America broadcasting the terrifying truth on Fox News about our quarantine camps for people who bravely refuse to be tested. Am overcome. Am thinking this must be what it was like in occupied Paris carefully taking your radio from its hiding place and hearing the words This is London.

Feel I must write to her.

3.05am typing quietly under cover of night

Dear Laura Ingraham in America, broadcasting the terrifying truth on Fox News. Hello from New Zealand!

I watched your broadcast with tears streaming down my cheeks. Thank you Laura. I did not dare to dream that somebody with courage and intelligence might look all the way down here and see our truth but you have and god bless you Laura Ingraham in America broadcasting the terrifying truth on Fox News.

And Laura, just fyi I never believed any of those things they said about you like monster and demented and sentient bobblehead doll and ratings-crazed puppet of the Murdoch Media.

Laura, I look into your eyes as you read the autocue and the two words I hear are Fear Unbalanced, just like it says on your posters.

I just say thank god for the Murdoch news media to bring us what no other media will put to air Laura and thank you for letting the world know about these camps at last, all this time after they were announced. You are speaking truth to paua, as we like to say here.

But Laura, I have to tell you it's much worse so very much worse do you have a few minutes Laura? Can I share with you what all has been happening here because the more I think about it, the more I think it goes all the way back to the pizza shop in Washington with all those poor kiddies in the dungeon.

Please find enclosed the following.

This man is Edmund Hillary. He inherited millions from his father who was a slum landlord in Ponsonby and he used all that money to build casinos all over the country and none of them made any money which is, well I mean what a loser. People here will bet on two flies crawling towards a meat pie, you can't miss with gambling.

Anyway for ages he was just a broke blowhard joke in Auckland. He would get the gossip columns to run stories about the hot chicks he was dating and no one really took him seriously. But then he got a reality TV show called The Block where you could make stupid money out of selling your house and retire to Papamoa. So he would go You're Retired and he got a bit famous for it.

Next thing he’s running for Prime Minister and he’s winning and Laura it was the worst thing that could have ever happened because he promised to do all these great things, but the only thing he did was hold a referendum for changing the flag and it was a loser flag that looked like a cereal packet and everyone said yeah nah, what else have you got but that was all he had.

He kept saying there was nothing to worry about the price of houses, but there was. Only boomers could afford them and they kept buying more of them and they kept getting more and more expensive and people ended up living in motels.

And then, mysteriously he went missing. He was climbing Mount Wellington, and he just completely vanished, like a shark had taken him or something. Next thing we know his deputy has taken over and well you know her, she’s the one who can't talk properly and puts people in camps.

The thing is Laura, everyone keeps asking what kind of climber gets lost on Mt Wellington? I don't know I just wonder if the whole thing was something the two of them cooked up to be honest and I was wondering if your research department at QAnon could do some digging.

There’s way more, though.

This is Hillary Edmunds and she is Edmund Hillary's daughter. She has all these factories in China that make buzzy bees and hats and novelty adult items if you know what I mean and they all have Made In NZ written on them.

She used to go to all the important meetings with her father the prime minister and after a while she started wearing a crown all the time and Laura I think she plans to take the job of our beloved her Majesty the HM Queen Elizabeth, and I’m very worried so if you could maybe ask about that too on Fox and Friends or something it might be very helpful.

This is Hilary Baglady - she grew up in Czechosloveniaville or somewhere and somehow she got a visa to come here and work on the TV show It’s Not My Bag and if you can tell me how she got through immigration Laura, when we have untold people here who can take a card out of a bag and smile at a camera, well you know more than I do.

And this is Hillary Joseph Savage. He bought all the houses in New Zealand in the Depression off hard working Mums and Dads who had to sell them for nothing and then he gave those houses to lazy people and they've been living in them ever since and they never make any lunch for their kids they just come home in the morning from cleaning offices and go straight to bed Laura I’ve seen it for myself on the TradeMe forums. I think Mr Marxist Joseph Savage also let in quite a few immigrants if you know what I mean.

I have to be careful how much I say because Jacinda Hilarious Ardern has her people watching 24/7 no worries but believe me, what she has done to this place is unforgivable.

Look at the eggs from our battery hens. You can't eat them Laura.

There is a little bit of hope. This freedom fighter has pledged to let everyone have AK47s and tell climate change whiners to take a hike and fire marxists who always want human rights for so-called oppressed people but never for SUV owners .

But only 8 percent of the country had the brains to vote for them so they can’t do shit, just put out press releases and it's just heartbreaking really.

Here’s the thing Laura.

I THINK THEY ARE ALL CONNECTED, ALL THESE PEOPLE.

You're a very brainy fearless broadcaster so I’m sure I don't have to spell it out but I will anyway. Do you see what I see? Yes. THEY ARE ALL CALLED HILLARY. I think this could lead all the way back to Washington. What do you think Laura?

Anyway if you could forward this to your research department at QAnon, that would be awesome.

Signing off now, before Jacinda’s Happiness Henchwomen notice. Be strong, and God bless.

2.05pm

Reclaiming the keyboard for just a little American sanity.

So long Billy Joe Shaver.

Saw him one night at the Gluepot doing a Real Groovy/Border Radio tour, back in the days when Border Radio was on Sunday afternoons and Grant McCallum was doing mighty radio.

Favourite moment listening to Grant McCallum: after an ad for Cactus Jack's tequila bar in Chase Plaza he pauses, reflects, and says actually I’d be very suspect of that place. We went there last week and it was utter utter shit.

Anyway Billy Joe Shaver was a great night and next morning I'm waiting at the lights across from Victoria Park, bored, and I look over to the car next to me and in the passenger seat is Billy Joe Shaver and he happens to be turning to look at the same time and catches my expression which says holy shit you’re Billy Joe Shaver I saw your show last night you were awesome man.

And the look on his face said I see you recognise me from the show last night and it looks like you enjoyed it. Sure is nice to see you buddy.

And we both grinned and the lights turned green and Billy Joe Shaver waved goodbye.