Cross Country day at Kia Kaha Primary School
Thursday School Journal
It is Cross Country day at Kia Kaha Primary School!
Ms Barry the Principal hates Cross Country.
Lots of people hate Cross Country.
But Mr Richardson likes it very much.
Mr Richardson is the PE teacher.
Mr Richardson says,
There is nothing anybody has wrong with them that a quick game of touch rugby won’t fix.
Mr Richardson gets to say whether there is a Cross Country each year.
So there is a Cross Country this year.
Even though there is Covid.
Mr Richardson has had an idea to make Cross Country more fun.
He has found a costume.
It is made of plastic and has prongs on it.
When you put it over your head the costume makes you look just like a Covid, or a very dangerous Teletubby.
Mr Richardson says to Mr Goldsmith,
Hey Goldsmith put this on.
Mr Goldsmith puts on the horrible costume.
He says,
I can't breathe very well Mr Richardson.
Mr Richardson says,
Yeah, super realistic, eh. Now drop and give me twenty.
Mr Richardson is about to say,
Just jokes.
But Mr Goldsmith is already trying to make a plank.
Poor Mr Goldsmith.
Mr Goldsmith is lying on the ground.
He is panting.
Mr Richardson is looking down at him.
He is saying,
Okay so here's the drill, Professor. Your job is to chase behind the kids saying scary things like I’m Covid and I’m after you, Paula.
Mr Richardson says to Ms Barry,
That should sort out the stragglers.
Mr Richardson says,
I mean, we want them thinking about protecting themselves don't we?
Ms Barry says,
I hate cross country.
It is time for the cross country!
Everyone is on the football field.
The children are on the football field.
The teachers are on the football field
The parents and grandparents are on the football field.
Ms Barry says,
Hello Great Grandfather Don, I'm surprised to see you here, aren't you supposed to be in next week’s heartwarming School Journal story set in a retirement village?
Great Grandfather Don says,
Oh do you mean Game of Prunes? Yes I very much look forward to that, I believe there will even be Neil Diamond tunes! But no, my dear Ms Lady, I am here today to cheer on Great Grandson Seymour.
Great Grandfather Don waves at Seymour.
Seymour is in his running shorts doing a twerk.
Seymour pretends not to notice Great Grandfather Don.
Great Grandfather Don can be so embarrassing.
Great Grandfather Don says to Ms Barry,
I believe Seymour has struck a bargain with Mr Richardson that if you complete the course in under forty minutes you get a refund on your school ‘donation’. He’s a real go-getter isn't he? Had you not thought of offering such a thing yourselves?
Ms Barry pretends to have to answer the phone.
She waves goodbye to Great Grandfather Don.
Mr Richardson has the pistol!
Mr Richardson fires the pistol!
They are off!
Stuart is running very fast.
Stuart has taken his T-Shirt off so that everyone can see how fit he is.
Seymour is running very fast too.
He is very excited about getting his family’s ‘donation’ back.
Some other children are running fast.
Some are running slowly and laughing.
Some are running slowly and crying.
Not everyone is the same in Cross Country.
Here comes Mr Goldsmith with his Covid costume on his head!
He is saying in a loud scary voice,
I’m Covid and I’m after you, Paula.
Paula was running slowly with her friend Tom and laughing at his funny voices.
But now she is crying.
Everyone is running along beside the creek.
It is a long way to run.
No-one is going fast now.
Look! There is smoke coming from behind the willow trees by the creek!
Is it a fire?
No! It is Christopher and Simon.
They have stopped running so that they can have a cigarette.
Simon says to Christopher,
Is this a good idea Chris?
Christopher says,
There is nothing wrong with the occasional cigarette as part of a balanced diet don't be a pussy Simon.
Look! There is a man with a digger by the creek!
He is using the digger to put sand into the creek so that you can cross it without getting your running shoes wet.
Judith and her friend Nicola are waiting for him to finish.
Aren’t Judith and Nicola clever for knowing this might happen?
Oh no! Amelia and Sarah have got so puffed they have had to stop.
Amelia is crying.
Sarah is crying too.
It is alright though.
Jacinda has stopped to give them a hug and rub their backs.
Jacinda has offered to walk with them.
Amelia and Sarah and Jacinda are walking together.
Here comes Mr Goldsmith.
I’m Covid and I’m after you, Amelia and Sarah and Jacinda,
says Mr Goldsmith in a scary voice.
Can you not?
says Jacinda to Mr Goldsmith.
Mr Goldsmith puts his head down and walks past them.
Oh no! Seymour has fallen over!
His leg hurts so much!
He is not going fast now!
He will not get his donation back!
This is so unfair, says Seymour.
Oh no!
The digger has blocked up the creek!
The creek is flooding into the neighbours’ houses!
Ms Barry is getting lots and lots of angry phone calls.
It is nearly the end of Cross Country.
The children are arriving back at the football fields.
They are looking forward to getting to the end.
It has been a very long Cross Country.
But it is not the end of Cross Country.
Mr Richardson is standing on the finish line.
Mr Richardson is holding up his loud hailer.
Mr Richardson is saying,
Okay listen Cross Country isn't over yet we found a Covid in the school so you have to go around again okay.
Everyone is very tired.
They don't know if they can go around again.
Everyone is running very slowly.
No one is laughing.
A lot of children are crying.
Simon says to Christopher,
I can't breathe. Your cigarettes are dumb.
Mr Goldsmith is still saying,
I'm after you Barbara.
But it is not scary now, it is just horrible.
Seymour stops to ask Mr Richardson if he will get his donation back after all.
Mr Richardson rolls his eyes.
It looks as though he is going to put his whistle in his mouth and blow really loud.
Ms Barry says,
I hate Cross Country.
After inhabiting Don Brash's brain for so long with the award winning parody Twitter account @drbrash, i always get a fright when I see that particular photo of him and remember he isn't a fever dream bought on by sniffing too much glue.
Yep - this country is quite cross.
Mr Richardson seems like our Mr Pohe at Wellington college - too lazy to run a PE class at which he might have to demonstrate exercises so his default was to send us off on a rough track up the slopes of Mt Victoria.