2040 at Kia Kaha Primary School

Thursday School Journal

It is 2040 at Kia Kaha Primary School.
It is the future.

In the future your Mum does not bring you to school in the back of a big car.
In the future you ride your bike, like in the olden days.
In the future you can still come to school just to eat your lunch if you want.
But in the future there is no meat in your sandwiches.
So you might not.

It is Nine O’Clock in the morning.
Nine O’Clock in the morning is Check In With Your Feelings time.
You can do this inside on the mat.
Or you can go outside to the playing field.
But if you want to go outside you have to check the air meter.

Sansa puts her head out the door to check the air meter.
Sansa calls out to the teacher,
It says No Way José, Not Today.

The teacher is Ms Grater-Tunberg. 
She is very nice to the children, except if she thinks you are not trying.
If she thinks you are not trying she may look at you and go blah blah blah

The children are sitting on the mat.
Ms Grater-Tunberg says who wants to check in with a feeling?

Arya puts her hand up.
She says,
Miss, I feel sad because Dad is angry.

Why is he angry, Arya? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.

Arya says,
He went on TradeMe last night to try and sell his Collectors Item car.
And he didn’t get any bids at all.
And the comments were mean as.

What kind of car is it, Arya?
asks Ms Grater-Tunberg,
electric or hydrogen? 

Neither, it’s old school petrol Miss,
says Arya,
an Audi Q3 Sportback.
He paid 90k for it in 2021.

Gosh do you know why he spent so much money? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.

Yes Miss, says Arya,
he said it combined the aesthetics and emotionality of a coupé with the power and functionality of an SUV.

No, says Ms Grater-Tunberg,
I mean why did he spend all that money when everyone knew that petrol cars were on the way out?

He said that was a bunch of woke BS Miss, says Arya, quietly.

Is that what he really said, Arya?
asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.

No, but you said you don't like us to say pussy or softcock Miss, says Arya.

I understand, says Ms Grater-Tunberg,
but why is he so sad? It’s just one old car after all.

You don't see, Miss, says Arya,
he has like two hundred and fifty cars he's trying to sell.
When they stopped making petrol cars he said now's the time to buy up large. These things will be like vinyl records all over again. People will pay an arm and leg to get themselves back into a Ford Ranger and feel like a real man even if they were just an accountant.

Oh dear, says Ms Grater-Tunberg,
and what happened?

Nothing Miss, says Arya,
so he’s got like 250 cars nobody will buy because you can't get petrol anywhere now except for that artisan place in Ruakaka.
He just sits in his chair all night watching the hologram of President Ocasio-Cortez and drinking cans of Woody and calling names and throwing empties at her.

He knows she's just a hologram doesn't he? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.

I hope so Miss, says Arya.

Who else has a feeling? Asks Ms Grater-Tunberg. 

Caleb has his hand up.
He says,
Miss, I feel good because we watched an old documentary last night and we just about died laughing. 

What was the documentary, Caleb? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg 

It was from the 2020s, says Caleb, all about a space flight.
These billionaires called Bezos and Zuckerberg and Trump and Murdoch thought they were on the first private flight to the moon.
Only someone had secretly programmed it to fly straight past and out into space.
And Miss, you should see the look on their faces when they realise they've been screwed!
Me and my brother and Mum we played that like a thousand times and could not stop laughing.
And then someone messages them that they can bring them back but first they have to sign a contract giving everything they own to the people of the world.
So they sign it.
And then the message says u r sucked in so bad rn. Later, losers.
Crackup!

And how do you feel now, Caleb? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.
Do you think it's a bit coldhearted to laugh at other people's misfortunes?

Well sort of Miss, says Caleb.
Only, when you see Trump get all mad and then whimper and wet his trousers I don't know, I can't put into words it just gives you this like good feeling?
And also Mum says that those guys owned Facebook and Fox which were evil and  thanks to the trick we don’t have them any more.
So I suppose that makes it a bit better.

I suppose it does, Caleb, when you put it like that, says Ms Grater-Tunberg.

Tyrian says,
Miss I’m feeling worried about my Dad.
He was an anti-vax orphan in the Covid plague, so he has issues about wearing masks.
I'm worried that one of these days he's going to get in a fight with a Two Metre Greeter at Mitre 10.

Oh no, Tyrian, says Ms Grater-Tunberg,
I didn't know that about your Dad.
It’s been hard for people who lost their parents because they didn't believe in basic science.
It can leave you with a lot of unprocessed rage wondering how your parents could get something so simple so wrong.
Does he have family who can help? 

Not really Miss, says Caleb,
he had an aunt and two uncles who didn't die but they all got radicalised on LinkedIn.
So he really doesn't have anybody. 

I'm sorry to hear that Tyrian, says Ms Grater-Tunberg.
Sometimes the best thing to do for people who can't let go of the past is to let their mind just drift away.
Does your hologram get Coronation Street?

Moana has her hand up.
She says Miss, it feels super hot.
Is it okay if I turn the fan up to 64,000?

Of course says Ms Grater-Tunberg.

Kia Kaha Primary School makes its own electricity.
In the future it is okay to use as much electricity as you like because everyone makes their own from the wind and the sun and the toilets.

When there is lot of free electricity you can just go, what do I want to do with free electricity today? I think I will make this spa pool go really hard, oh wait we have to be careful with the water. Let's make the fans go really fast, that's a good idea because it is very very hot again today.

Moana sits back down.
Moana’s mum has a lot of money because she has a cargo bike company.
In the future cargo bikes are like courier vans.
Only you don't have to wait so long for them to deliver the phone you ordered three weeks ago.
Or the jacket that comes in the wrong size.
They will even bring a fridge to your house.

Everyone gets a free fridge in the future because the Prime Minister Ms Swarbrick believes in everybody having more free things and enough to live decently.

Moana’s mom started her cargo bike business while she was on her two year maternity leave from her job.
Now she does not need a job, because she has made her own one.

Moana says to Ms Grater-Tunberg,
I feel very happy Miss.

Why is that, Moana? asks Ms Grater-Tunberg.

Moana puts on her sunglasses and says,
Because the future’s so bright we have to wear shades.