Hello! Here’s this week’s freebie edition of More Than A Feilding which begins in the customary way with an invitation to become a paying subscriber.
I’d love to be able to give it all away, but sadly New World and the bookshop and Hammer Hardware continue to put their stuff behind a paywall, so I’m forced to follow suit. Trust you understand.
In a moment, this week's free edition, That can't be right can it? plus a preview of other recent editions.
But first, the button.
That can't be right can it?
Chris Topher Luxon owns 73 rental properties and 14 tinny houses
Sunday Aug 17
Let’s play a game called That can't be right can it?
It's pretty easy: all you have to do is retort that can't be right can it? after I say something that sounds wrong. And then I'll tell you whether it is or not.
Any questions? Yes Louise Upston at the back — I’ll be damned! You’ve still got that look on your face like you think you left the bath running when you came out! — yes, sorry, what's your question? No, no, we won't be checking your answers.
Okay here we go, first one:
“Humpty Dumpty was not an egg”
Now you say…
That can't be right can it?
Well done everyone, you've got the hang of this right away!
So what’s the answer? Well let’s look at the data. Where in the entire nursery rhyme do we find the word egg?
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
It’s not there! Anywhere!
Although to be fair, it doesn't say that he/she/they wasn't/weren’t one either.
“A million seconds is 11 days. A billion seconds is 11 months”
That can't be right can it?
It’s correct that a million seconds is 11 days. But a billion seconds is not 11 months, it’s about 31 years.
Now imagine counting all Peter Thiel’s money.
“There is a species of Jellyfish that can live forever”
That can't be right can it?
Such a creature does in fact exist. Turritopsis dohrnii , the so-called immortal jellyfish is able to return to an earlier stage of its life cycle if, say, it gets damaged or is starving to death. To reclaim its youth, its salad days, it simply shrinks in on itself, reabsorbs its tentacles, loses the ability to swim and settles on the seafloor as a blob-like cyst. Then it quickly develops into a new polyp and matures once more. Akin to a butterfly resetting as a caterpillar.
Of course, if something eats it, then it’s game over.
“88% of Maori kids at Year 8 are unable to read”
That can't be right can it?
No. It’s not remotely right. A more accurate statement would be: our verbal farce of a Prime Minister managed to mangle the percentage of Maori kids not at the curriculum level for year 8 into “percentage of Maori kids who cannot read".
These verbal farces seem to be coming faster and thicker all the time. It’s almost as though he doesn’t care if he gets as loose as an absolute goose with the facts, just as long as he’s got something catchy and inflammatory to chuck out there.
Well okay then, shall we all play? Try these loose-as-a-goose figures for size, and pass it on:
Chris Topher Luxon owns 73 rental properties and 14 tinny houses
Chris Topher Luxon will make 250 million this year from the tax breaks he lined up for landlords such as himself who own 730 rental property and tinny houses
Oh wait. I’m just hearing my information is faulty. Apparently they’re not tinny houses, they’re tiny houses. My bad. But it was deffo 250 billion. Or 250 million. I can never remember which is which LOL.
“Mars is inhabited by robots”
That can't be right can it?
Well, it would be more precise to say Mars is currently being explored by a small number of robotic spacecraft and rovers. But yes. It is true to say that Mars is inhabited by robots.
We know that matter exists that we can't detect. Therefore, it is possible that there are life forms made up of this matter who could be all around you and you would never know.
That can't be right can it?
It could be! IT COULD BE!
We DO know that matter exists that we can't directly detect.
So who's to say there aren’t life forms made of this undetectable matter? Maybe they're a bit like jellyfish. Or Peter Thiel. Or just hapless Prime Minister-shaped egg-like blobs.
“Close both eyes and you see black. Close one eye and it sees nothing”
That can't be right can it?
Actually you can test this one yourself, just by closing one eye and …..oh! Oh dear. Can someone help Louise Upston back up onto her feet?
“You get equal rights by taking away Treaty rights”
That can't be right can it?
No. It could not be more wrong.
David Seymour and his ideological bandits go on and on about equal rights for all. But what they are really saying is we want to undo decades of work that has been done to right wrongs and mend harm.
A simplistic formula of treating everyone the same does not, and will not, and cannot ensure a fair outcome.
A simplistic formula of treating everyone the same does not, and will not, and cannot ensure a fair outcome.
It ignores the historical injustices and power imbalances that the Treaty principles and decades of work have aimed to address.
But by framing it in this way it will appeal to those who have never bothered to acquaint themselves with the wrongs that were done in our nation's history, or who have no interest in placing anything in any sort of context that reaches farther back than last Christmas.
And it cynically casts anyone defending what is right to appear to be arguing against equality.
Even though they will angrily object to the label, it’s racist to the bone, and utterly deplorable.
And it could not be more wrong.
Also this week in More Than A Feilding
The irreducibly reductive Mr Luxon
I'm still here! I haven't disappeared down a Mumbai back alley or joined an ashram, I've just had a bunch of work to do, and been riding the rails across India.