Steven, Jacinda and a fiscal hole of biblical proportions

Sunday Star Times Sep 10, 2017

Now, in the land of rugby, where the oysters were succulent and the oxen were plentiful and the rivers ran with effluent, there came a man named John. And he did say to the people: I am just like you, apart from my many mansions. Let's have a cold one. 

And the people said: I like him. He's not like the others. And once they did cast their vote for honest beer-drinking John and twice did they cast it and again a third time did they say: Good on you old mate John.

But then John drew the scribes close and told them My dudes it's been real but now I'm gonna hang with Max.

And there was much rending of garments and wailing by the one known as Hosking. For he loved John more than cleanliness itself, saying: John, won't you stay? But John looked at him without pity saying Nah, I'm buying a Bentley. Talk to Bill.

And then he was gone, and Hosking did talk to Bill and he did make much praise of Bill saying: He has what it takes going forward. But in the eyes of Hosking there was great sadness and great fear. For he knew there was another coming and she was not as the others. 

For she would not be dull and she would not be unclear and neither would she be called David and nor would she be called David and also she was an socialist. And an socialist is bad news if you are an high net-worth individual.

And with the certainty of Timesaver Traffic, the fears of Hosking were made real. And there came amongst the people a vision. And her name was Jacinda.

And choirs of angels sang and the land of rugby was bathed in golden light wherever she would go, and children's faces did turn upwards saying: you are the people's princess and: can I have a selfie? And this was also said by students and also by grandparents and it was also said to Jacinda by men in the vests known as hi-vis.

And the men in the temple were sore troubled, saying: How do we stop her Bill? And then the one known as Steven said: Hold my myrrh.

Now Steven was a wise man, according to his CV, and also he was not a wise man according to his academic record, for the grades saying Economics did bear the words Did Not Complete. 

But he had built an radio station and he had built an network of radio stations and the men of commerce did say: This is good because you just need one person in Auckland reading things out from the internet and playing the one by Toto about rains in Africa and you hoover up all this revenue. 

And the men of commerce were right, and Steven was given many shekels for his enterprise and also the men of commerce were right about Toto, and this would make people in their cars, who were looking for something decent to listen to, exceeding sore. And they would say: This sucks and also they would say: But what can you do?

And Steven did remember that it was spoken of the president known as LBJ that he had let it be told to scribes that an opponent was known to lie down with beasts of the field. And this was not true and it was a lie. But he persisted, saying: I just want to see him on TV saying he doesn't do that.

And Steven drew the scribes close saying unto them: Listen. I have found an hole of the fiscal kind and it belongs to Jacinda and it is $11.7 billion shekels deep. And the scribes did put it on the news. 

But they did also travel to men whose economic degrees had been completed, asking: Is he onto something here or did he get his numbers from Novopay?

And the men with degrees said: He's dreaming.

And never did Jacinda raise her voice to anger, and neither did she stop smiling serenely, but she did say in clear and crisp words: Don't try that old LBJ stunt on me, Sunshine.

And stardust hung in the air and Steven turned to the radio for solace. But all he could find was Toto.