Stand by to get your little bit of Pfizer
Diary of the last 25 hours
5.02pm yesterday
A text message from the Ministry reaches our daughter, and twenty minutes later one reaches me, to advise: you are in Group 3, stand by to get your little bit of Pfizer but stay seated for now.
Quite a lot of messages are being sent out today, folk on Twitter are reporting. What a shambles, what a disgrace.
I just put that bit in for Chris Bishop. I don't actually have any complaints. Nonetheless I'm sure if you hold the text message up to the light and turn it to the right angle you will find a shambles and a disgrace. We could all be vaccinated by now if we’d had had the wit to outbid everyone else and push ahead of all those loser countries with dying people.
But no, here we are, sitting here like sitting ducks, if you can call it that, being inside Zealandia, where no-one can shoot at you.
But anyway: shambles and disgrace. Honestly it's as bad as when you get on the plane and come down the aisle and wouldn't you know it, some other wanker is sitting there in your seat because THEY COULDN’T READ A SIMPLE TICKET. You can never get back the minutes you waste having to show them yours and ask to see theirs and get them to go to the seat they were supposed to be sitting in. God, words just fail you, and if you're someone like Chris Bishop who flies a lot, it just never stops happening, honestly you're a magnet for morons.
Hop in the car for a minute, we’re going to drive up the road to study human behaviour because a single metaphor is not enough today, I feel.
There are two lanes on Lake Road that carry you along from Hauraki corner. The one on the right is the road less travelled, because it takes you to Takapuna. The one on the left is the one most people want, because it takes you onto the motorway.
So if you’re headed for the motorway you would therefore take the left lane, right? Correct.
However, this means you would join a longer line of people.
Honestly life’s too short, am I right? If you don't want to suffer the unbearable imposition of having to join a long line at the lights of waiting cars, you take the lane to Takapuna and then you put on your indicator and angle your car for the left hand lane and push your way in, either by panicked darting or brute monstering, depending on how much of an SUV we’re talking.
Sir, is this patient and reasoned behaviour? Oh fuck off with your patient and reasonable behaviour, I deserve to go first, waiting your turn is for losers.
There are roads like this all over the world. It happens so often that there is a standard piece of commentary for this move and it goes: that move doesn't make you a genius, it makes you an asshole. It’s saying: I matter more than the rest of you.
Do you, though? Do you?
Thank you for listening to my metaphor about vaccine impatience. Oh look, the lights have finally turned green.
Impatient people are saying: Why aren't we vaccinated yet? And: Why aren't we vaccinated yet? And: I can't believe how long this is taking, this is ridiculous.
Maybe they don't read the news, but the reason we are not vaccinated yet is: we haven’t had the vaccine supplies to go any faster. But very soon now we will be getting a very large supply and that should speed things up greatly.
Alternatively their question will be: Why have we not had more stock sooner? The answer is: because the whole world is also standing in line for it, we’re all standing in line.
And a further question that gets asked is: But why are we not at the front of the line?
And a further response to that question could be: Why should we be at the front of the line, what makes us so important?
And sometimes the answer will be: because the sooner we’re out of this the better.
But that’s what we call begging the question. It doesn't explain what makes us so important, and it sure doesn’t explain why we should go ahead of a country where thousands of people are dying every day.
But let's say for argument's sake that we deserved to be at the front of the line anyway. How might they suggest we would get there? Bid the price up? Bullying? Ranting? Or would we just put on our indicator and try to barge in and hope we don't get our Audi rear-ended?
One more thing: the idea that we’re being left behind is pretty unfounded too. The US is still only halfway there, the UK is two thirds of the way here but they have Delta variant all over the show. If we don't reach a relatively comparable position to theirs by the end of the year I’ll be very surprised.
In the meantime the noisy tailgating is really not helping anybody much.
7.35pm
An old online friend whose dad used to chase my aunt across backyard fences in Palmerston North is in touch to share a moment.
Do click on for some entertaining innuendo.
It's been good to hear from people saying thanks for motivating me. Very glad to do it. Never be a stranger to your doctor, I say. The sooner you know, the more you can do.
Today 7.00am
The news announces a raft of laws coming in today including property rental standards and not a day too soon.
9.38am
From time to time. someone selflessly offers themselves up as not merely a teachable moment but as a kind of morale booster for all the rest of us. Who among us doesn’t get a bit of boost from thinking: I can be so unbelievably stupid. but man I would never be that bad.
A man whose attempt to cook steak in a toaster sparked a fire that destroyed his house was upset to find that his insurance policy did not pay out as much as he had wanted it to.
The man decided to prepare a meal of steak and chips, but opted to cook the steak in a toaster rather than the frying pan.
While it was toasting, he left the house to go to the local fish and chip shop for chips.
10.38am
Here comes a Sopranos prequel set in Newark in the ‘60s, and playing young Tony is James Gandolfini's son. Damn if this doesn't just look like perfect casting.
4.08pm
Scribbling some notes for a play to save the planet, haven't got very far yet. Might try again tomorrow when I feel more optimistic.
Judith: I felt really feel sad about the climate crisis so I started using paper bags instead of plastic ones but they said on the news tonight that there's still a climate crisis. Sorry that's as much as I'm prepared to do. I’m so over it. Can somebody else do whatever it is that needs doing?
Greta: Sure, how about I start riding a bike and stop driving my car? It's an SUV like both of yours.
Judith: Oh Greta would you? Cheers big ears x
Greta: Hey, I’m riding the bike but I keep seeing people getting nearly knocked down by people in SUVs, I think what we might need is a lane of our own, would that be possible?
Judith: GET FUCKED WITH YOUR ENTITLEMENT GRETA GOD YOU CYCLISTS MAKE ME SICK. And move over. Can't you see I want this lane and I’ve got my indicator on?
4.20pm
Again you have clearly articulated what was churning about in my head - thank you.
I am impressed that our roll-out has kept pace with the rate of supply.
I am pleased that we are not queue jumping.
I do admit to verging on being a Karen and grumbling about the apparent lack of any logic in the sequence of call-ups after people younger than me got theirs, so I spoke to my MP. He came back with a clear statement of the logic - it is totally random (within each cohort) and the reason is fairness. When I think about it, any other approach would cause all sorts of ructions.
So while we embrace the good old Kiwi Fair Go, Fred, let us also contemplate how propitious are the circumstances.
I hot the same text. I thought I was,special. I guess they thought we needed reassuring. I'm also not in a hurry although I was for a bit there when there was a possibility we had Delta in our midst. It's not a good feeling thinking it's lurking waiting for me to pass by. But we didnt have it. Made me realise again how lucky we are. People all over the world have lived with that anxiety for over a year. And now even Australia Down the mines. Darwin even.