Shot fired in the seaside village!
Diary of the last ten hours
8.00am
Shot fired in the seaside village!
It’s a bloody big one, and not for the usual reason which is either HM the Queen gawdblessa or some holiday.
No, this is happening because New Zealand is being court martialled!!!!
Not a moment too soon, eh readers. What a travesty, what an international war crime they've been getting away with, Cindy and her duplicitous scheming covid hoaxers.
No, really. On the RNZ Navy facebook page a brains trust has been frothing about the meaning of the following community announcement.
There are signs of clue deficiency in some of the responses. Some appear to have taken the words Court Martial of NZ quite literally.
Why does this state a court martial OF New Zealand? What does that mean? That NZ as a country is being court martialed?
Some appear to be happily using whatever confusion has taken hold to do some QAnon riffing
Wow!! I hope justice is served to all that took part in this scamdemic!
And
The battle is on! The freedom loving citizens of NZ need to continue to resist. Do not allow corruption and tyranny to take over your lands! God wins this! Wwg1wga
Greetings excited readers of the announcement. A little explainer for you: When you read the words Court Martial of New Zealand, you are reading the name of the place in which the proceedings take place, not who’s in the dock.
You can read all about the various courts of NZ on the Courts of NZ website. You can learn about the Supreme Court of NZ, the High Court of NZ, the District Court of NZ, even Court and Bowled Jamieson. Nah not really. Jamieson’s not a court, just a legend bro.
But anyway, what's happening here is the navy is very considerately letting us know what the Very Big Noise will be and this is something they do these days almost to a fault.
It's a big change from the way things were when we arrived here thirty years ago.
Back then they were very accustomed to doing whatever they liked because it had been a Navy place since ages ago.
They would just go ahead and have their night time military exercises with the sound of gunfire, and helicopter sorties in and out of Stanley Bay Park with no explanation at all.
But then the gentrification started and marketing execs and bankers would be all what the fuck was that noise last night that woke up our dachshunds Clancy and Nancy at 10.38pm? I want to know more and I want to know right now. Why is there no phone number for these people?
So these days even though we’re tyrannised by a super secretive government, the Navy's comms people keep us fully briefed about all the noises.
It impresses me actually how benign a neighbour they are. Friends who live opposite one of the navy gates had a New Year's eve party. Come the hour to let off fireworks, Al took his big box of awesome rockets safely out of range of the house by walking across the road and laying out all the rockets in front of the Navy gate and letting them all off.
You wouldn't try that in San Diego, home of the Pacific Fleet.
But here in the village, no one came running, no van, no guard, no nothing. Maybe they didn't even notice explosions outside the gate. Or maybe they saw it on the CCTV and went on eating their kettle fries and said yeah happy new year bro, have a good one.
But anyway, the court martial. There’s some speculation it’s the case reported last year of a soldier based at Linton charged with spying.
I’m sure the navy comms people will keep us in the loop as much as they can.
But the news is all bad if you’re hoping to see this useless government held to account, mouth breathers and QAnon types. And I see the tyrannical social media has been cutting off your feed of the good stuff, your Lee Williams and your Vinny and your god-knows who all. But chin up! Here you are, still free to take any old batshit crazy stuff you’ve been told and write it on the Facebook page of the RNZ navy herself, no worries!
As jackboots go these ones are quite comfy on the back, I feel.
Also, if you think I'm being cavalier about holding these tyrants to account, take heart! I have news to share about the truth being fearlessly broadcast on a major media network coming up at the very next time break.
10.05am
I live in my own kind of hermit kingdom where from one end of the year to the other I never dial my way near NewstalkZB. But that outfit has a way of seeking you out.
So here we are again, assailed by the fearless reportage and/or clickbait shit for money of the Hawkesby Hosking household.
Today MTAF reader Russell has performed the huge service of reading and rebutting it so big thanks to you Russell: doing God's work there as ever.
I try to imagine how this kind of tosh might ever get written down and read out. The best scenario I can conceive of is this. Hours before the sun rises, Kate Hawkesby gets up, gets ready, scoops up her Meghan Markle doll full of pins, click clacks down to the car, and sets off for the studio. Meanwhile her mind remains at home: warm, cosy, tucked up in bed.
This is only ever the appetiser, though, the amuse bouche, before we get to the man, the legend, the king of curdled cornflakes, le Grande Bouche.
There is generally a bit more to process, because Mike takes it seriously, his job of coming up with any old preposterous shit never mind what just so long as the tenor is these clowns don't have a clue good god what an absolute shambles what a joke.
We cross now to Pt Chev to my man Russell to perform the requisite Fisking.
10.35am
A couple of further thoughts, about vaccine doses.
Have we heard any suggestion about a way to get Pfizer to send more supplies sooner that don't entail either outbidding other countries or strong-arming Pfizer and pushing our way ahead of countries where more people are dying?
And if we're not talking about any option but these two, what makes either of them acceptable?
Secondly, as far as I can see, we keep administering the doses we have almost as soon as we get them, it is not as though the supplies are accumulating because we are not actually administering them.
So. As long as we keep up when the large shipments arrive, again: what would critics suggest needs doing differently?
11.05 am
That’s enough dismal for one morning, let’s look around for some good stuff.
Good Stuff Number One
MTAF reader Sue Orr is coming to the seaside village for a chat with your old mate Dave about her most excellent new novel Loop Tracks which everyone is raving about. Wednesday July 21, 7.30pm. Come join us! It's free, but you need to confirm. All the details are here.
Good Stuff Number Two
MTAF reader Linda Burgess only does one kind of writing and that is: marvellous. And there’s always some kind of kick. This is great.
Rules for Smiling At Strangers
12.45pm
Imagine a world where Auckland was promised just 10 km of new roads for the year, and then only got 6.
12.46pm
Imagine how much less money it would cost us in a world that got out of cars and into bikes.
2.06pm
So farewell then Matt Hancock, gone, in the end, for sins of the flesh and optics which are, after all, far greater sins than lives lost through pandemic mismanagement. See you in Friday for the Dismal Awards along with your unpardonable pal Boris.
4.20pm
Ah yes, adultery (if that is a thing anymore), so much more important a barometer of competence than 000s dead as a result of incompetence. Lest we forget.
Please !.....it's Mr & Mrs Bidet-Squawkesby. Mr & Mrs Pompous Prick.