The Sad Story of the Wanaka Two
This is the Wanaka tree.
It is in Wanaka.
Rich people who live in Auckland like to visit Wanaka to take a photo of the tree.
There used to be lots of trees in Auckland.
But one day a man called Nick said,
Cut all your trees down if you like, you guys, because a man's home is his castle and so is his chainsaw and so are his four trusts.
Now there are not as many trees in Auckland.
William lives in Auckland.
William would like to go to Wanaka to see the tree.
But he is not allowed, because Auckland has a Covid.
No-one is allowed to do anything, because Auckland has a Covid.
It is so boring.
It is like the bit in The Cat in the Hat where it keeps raining and nothing happens.
William is sad.
William has a horse he can ride.
But William is tired of doing that.
William has a friend called Hannah.
Maybe they could pretend to be horses and ride each other!
William and Hannah are tired of pretending to be horses.
We could go skiing.
There's no snow in Auckland, silly, only The Covid.
We could go to Wanaka and see the tree, and ski.
We’re not allowed, William. We might have The Covid.
I can't see any Covid on me Hannah, can you see any on you?
It’s our right to go to Wanaka. We are people with a castle and chainsaws and a riding arena with floodlights and everything.
Actually, I would like to see the stupid tree too.
Hannah and William are at the border!
They have a note that says they are allowed to go outside!
Who has written the note?
We don't know who has written the note!
They give the note to the police officer.
The police officer says,
I believe you William and Hannah all the best for your essential work.
William and Hannah are in Wanaka!
Hannah takes a photo of the stupid tree.
A man sees William and Hannah by the lake looking at the tree and being not essential and perhaps having The Covid inside them.
The man says to his wife Sharon,
This is not a fair go Sharon I am ringing the headmaster.
The man is ringing the headmaster.
William and Hannah will be in so much trouble!
William and Hannah are in so much trouble.
They are in trouble with everybody because they did not obey the rules.
They are in trouble with everybody because they might have given someone The Covid.
They are in trouble with everybody because they thought it was okay to act like you own the joint.
They are in trouble because everybody else has been inside obeying the rules for just ages and ages and ages like the bit in The Cat in the Hat where it keeps raining and nothing happens.
Hannah says to William,
Now everybody hates us and we have to see the headmaster.
Here’s your stupid photo of your stupid tree.
William does not say anything.
William does not look at the stupid photo.
Learn to Vote, With Janet and Judith
It is election time in Room 69!
Election time is when you elect a new Class Captain.
The class captain is Jacinda.
Jacinda will probably be Class Captain again because she is nice to everybody.
Judith wants to be Class Captain too.
Judith is nice to everybody when she remembers to smile and say your name.
When you stand for Class Captain, you can get helpers to remind people that you are nice.
Judith has a helper.
Her name is Janet.
Janet was Todd’s helper.
But Todd had to go to the school office to get a fresh pair of trousers so now Janet is Judith's helper.
Judith says to Janet,
Your pigtails look dumb and is that a dress or what is it? Just jokes, you can be my helper, it's like way too late to get anyone else.
Okay this won't be easy but here’s a morning talk I’ve written for you, just read out the words.
Don't add your own ideas at the last minute. Like, just talk about the class trip and the cafeteria menu, don't say anything like
I just want to know what Craig and Debra were doing in the bike sheds
if I was as chubby as Luke I wouldn't be wearing shorts that's all I’m saying.
of course not God do I look stupid?
It is morning talk time.
Mōrena everybody my name is Judith and you will make me Class Captain if you have any sort of clue and actually Talofa to the hard working staff in the school cafeteria I am going to own a small business cafe one day stop making those noises Jason you know what I mean actually you know what I just want to know what Craig and Debra were doing in the bike sheds also if I was as chubby as Luke I wouldn't be wearing shorts that's all I'm saying.
It is lunch time.
It is time to walk around the playground and go up to people, like when you go up to someone and say do you want to go around, only you ask, hey dork are you going to vote for me for Class Captain?
Judith has a helper called Hamish.
Hamish has got his friends in the chess club to come up to Judith while she is walking around and say Hi Judith, I'm definitely voting for you, in a great big voice.
But the boys in the chess club are shy, so nobody can hear them.
Judith has to say in a big voice, What was that you said? Are you saying you want to vote for me, nerds? Yay! Go nerds! LOL.
It is election day.
Everyone has voted for Jacinda.
Judith glares at Janet.
Janet says, I was already leaving.
It has been a year since the election.
The teacher has asked Janet to tell the class how to do an election.
Well I would just write down everything Judith did and not do that.
The teacher asks Judith what she thinks of what Janet said.
LOL God what would that huckery moll know about anything?
At the back of the room Nicola digs Chris in the ribs and says,