Judith and the Book of Revelations

Diary of the last 3 days and 40 testaments

Friday night? Saturday morning? It already seems like a month ago

The World and the Internet go nuts. He has Covid-19. 

There is revelling in the suffering of a deeply contemptible human being and there is indignance to that from affronted people. It has to be one of the great days of his life, this many people talking about him. 

A friend asks if he's wrong to enjoy it. I say I don’t want to see the guy dead, but I do fervently want him held to account. I feel frustrated that he has not been, and that probably colours my feelings.

Anyway Trump has the plague and for the moment he appears too rattled by the experience to plaster on the orange makeup or trowel out any of the usual bigotry about China virus or Wuhan Flu. He’s even giving off flashes of humility, and the reason we are seeing this is probably best captured in the aphorism there are no atheists in a foxhole

Assuming he really has it. 

It's also becoming clear that his people have been deceptive, elusive, mendacious. Business as usual. 

Also, they have been happily carting the plague over and into flyover states; out into the White House Rose garden for a constitution brutalisation party; to dinners with donors. Boy is the sick joke ever on you, guy who paid 250 grand for the privilege of sitting down with that sorry slab of humanity and getting the virus all over your greasy palm.

The amount of this that is surprising totals up to approximately zero but the large worry is surely: diminishing the prospect of a clean contest. I hope for a landslide loss, no electoral contest in the Supreme Court, and then all of them -  him, his evil entourage, his inexcusable friends and family -  all held to account. And then America sees if it can set to curing itself of the deep vast and putrid rotting from within. Empires die. They all do, every last one of them. No empire is too big or too solid or too special. Just because this one has towered mightily in our time doesn't mean it can't.

Please God, don’t let the wrong thing happen.

Sunday morning

Say what you want about Judith Collins;  she knows how to make herself visible. Possibly she was caught unawares by all the photographers going click click whirr as she knelt in prayer. Possibly she likes to steeple her hands in prayer in a manner I’ve seen few worshippers do. And yes, in anticipation of that question, I've spent a few Sundays in an Anglican church. 

But this is not about me, this is about the lady who blocked me on Twitter.

Verily, this thing went like a rocket. I wrote, back when poor old Todd was in charge, that by next election he would be the pub quiz question no one could answer. Turns out he’s way ahead of schedule. But that won't ever be the case for Judith, surely. Whatever will she do tomorrow I wonder, almost as though I’m writing this at a time after I have learned the answer.

Actually, it feels a lot like she fell ass-backwards into an opportunity. Turns up to vote, the vicar says: care to pray? She says: don’t mind if I do. 

Maybe she asked herself, or maybe she didn’t: will the press who have come to photograph us voting follow me in for a more interesting shot if I don't tell them they can't? Surely not. Oh well, let’s see what happens. 

Stand by for endless visibility. Let Us Prey.

But shame on all you unbelievers saying I call bullshit. It rings true for this apostate, no worries. I can wholly see her believing in a God who caused the earth to open and swallow entire families; punished people with wars, famines, and pestilence; sent bears, lions and serpents to attack people; turned someone into a pillar of salt. And there was the whole flood business. Talk about give back double. 

Monday morning

9.30am

Thanks to Richard Hills I am being informed of the content of a warm conversation between Mike Hosking and Judith Collins without having to listen to a warm conversation between Mike Hosking and Judith Collins.

Let us make a short book of the revelations.

Revelation 1.

She wants to review Auckland Transport because they’re making everything walking and cycling.

Loyal readers of More Than A Feilding, could I in all conscience vote for someone who does not see bikes as the transport of the future? No, Loyal More Than A Feilding readers, I could not.

Revelation 2.

She says the problem with secondary schools now is there’s too much photography and too much media studies and all those woke subjects.

Maddy begs to differ. I’m with Maddy.

Revelation 3.

Mike Hosking: Māori seats?

Judith Collins: Sighhhhh well they’re there aren’t they

Revelation 4.

She disses the Reserve Bank Governor for supporting the woke wellbeing budget.

You know who else was woke? Jesus! 

But maybe her Jesus goes to a different church.

This all still feels like it needs a bit of seasoning though. Have you got any conspiracy stuff that might help undermine the soppy team spirit that's kept us free of the plague? Ah there we go:

Revelation 5.

Auckland should move to level 1 because there’s No community transmission that we’re told about anyway

I can't vote for it, and I can’t bear to listen to it, but credit where it’s due: this is top quality Christmas panto.

9.40am

The news is so abundant, you miss vast parts of it. I’ve just seen news of a further casualty of Covid.

The Many Saints of Newark, the prequel to The Sopranos, would have been out on September 25, 2020, however because of the pandemic, it’s been rescheduled to March 12, 2021.

Try and tell me there’s a God that would let Tony die in front of poor Meadow as she's coming through the door in the last episode and also let Trump get a second term.

10.40am

Trump is in a video claiming he's learning so much about Covid which is just great, ten months into the fucking thing. He really is the worst. 

But wait! There’s worse! Watch him leave hospital for ten minutes to do a victory lap in a Suburban to wave to his supporters, thereby hotboxing all the accompanying security guys with Covid-19. You poor poor bastards. 

My online friend David Slack in LA tweets what's the opposite of a victory lap? Someone says: Circling the Drain.

1.00pm

Down we go! Auckland to Level 1. 

The PM is saying: There are two things that matter, the border, and our vigilance. 

And she's saying: We all want to avoid more restrictions. 

And she's saying: Don't get complacent. Test, and check in. 

And she's not saying, because she is too polite: Don't coast. This means everyone. It's not asking a lot to scan in FFS. Just do it.

If you know someone who wants to know why TF we should scan, show them this, from the dudes from the ministry.

Scanning the QR codes allows the Ministry of Health to send you a notification to check if you were at the same time and place as someone that has tested positive for COVID-19.

3.20pm

Been a big day. A very big day. A very big weekend. But I'm saving the biggest news to last. 

Today I wore jandals. 

Thank you Jesus. U rock.