Implosion day at the National Party!

Thursday School Journal

It is implosion day at the National Party!

An implosion is a very exciting thing to watch if you are a reporter.
It is a very exciting thing to watch if you have come on a trip from Kia Kaha primary school to see Parliament.

It is not so good if you are the person getting imploded.

Ms Pop-Up is the leader of the National Party. 
Today it looks as though Ms Pop-Up might be getting imploded if she is not careful.

Poor Ms Pop-Up.
She is not very good at being careful.

The bus has arrived at Parliament!
There is a big statue of a man holding up his finger.
The children of Kia Kaha primary school look at the statue of the man holding up his finger.

There are people standing outside parliament.
Are they having a smoke?
Are they waiting for Uber Eats for breakfast?
No! They are a press gang.

This is the sort of press gang that grabs you by the door and says you're on TV now matey.

They also say
Seriously what were you thinking 
and 
Were you on drugs 
and 
Are you going to resign?

Last night Ms Pop-Up made a press statement.
Now the press gang is saying, 
Seriously what were you thinking? 
and 
Were you on drugs 
and 
Are you about to find out you’re resigning?

Ms Pop-Up’s statement said that Mr Bridges was totally fired.
The reason he was totally fired was because of a bad thing he did five years ago.
Ms Pop-Up and her friend Whale do not like people who do bad things.
They keep a long long list of people who are bad.

Now Mr Bridges name has turned up on the list.

How lucky!
It has turned up just when Mr Bridges was getting ready to take Ms Pop-Up’s job from her!

Look children, says Ms Barry, that is a press gang!

The children look at the press gang.
There is a reporter in a bright yellow coat.
There is a cameraman.
There are some other reporters too.

It is fun to watch the press gang from the bus. 

They are all running backwards and forwards in front of Parliament.
It is just like Bullrush!
Each time someone gets out of a taxi who is bald and has a mask, the press gang all start running at him like someone said Bullrush again.

The children cannot hear what the press gang are saying.
But now the bus driver has turned on the radio so you can hear them saying, 
Seriously what were you thinking? 
and 
Were you on drugs? 
and 
Are you about to find out you’re resigning?

Now they are playing Bullrush with Mr Bridges! 

Mr Bridges says,
I have heaps to say
He says
Like, I have so much to say bro
He says
But I have to tell my homies in caucus first.
Then I can tell you everything.
There's so much to tell.

Then there is the sound of  shoes running away.
It is probably a reporter in high heels chasing after Mr Bridges.
But on the radio it is funny because it sounds as though Mr Bridges said I have heaps to tell you bro and then ran away.

It is fun to listen  to politics when there is an implosion. 
It is like a pantomime, only with people who are almost real.

Ms Barry says,
it sounds as though there is going to be an implosion, would you like to wait here and see if there is one instead of doing a tour of the building?
We could watch it all on the iPads.

Implosion, implosion! Say the children.
This is also what grownups are saying on Twitter.

The National party says,
There will be a press conference at 10am to explain what has happened.

It is 10am.
Everyone has tuned in to hear the National Party explain what has happened.

Oh no! The press conference is not starting!
And there is no-one here from the National Party to explain what has happened!
All we can see are the heads of Barry and Jason and Thomas!

It is strange that the press conference is not starting.
The National Party is always telling everyone how good they are at organising things like rapid antigen tests and motorways and strong and stable teams.

It is a bit embarrassing to say you are good at organising things when the things you are supposed to be organising don't happen. 

Ms Barry tells the children,
What do you think, shall we go to Zealandia, or do you want to wait a bit more?
Amelia says, 
Do you think we might get to meet Tova? I think that’s her in the yellow coat.
Ms Barry says,
I don't know Amelia, they're very busy right now with the implosion.

It has been two hours now.
There has still not been a press conference 
We still do not know if there has been an implosion.

Reporter Thomas is looking at Twitter on his laptop.
Reporter Barry and Reporter Jason are playing battleships. 
Jason has sunk three of Barry’s battleships.
Poor Barry. It is hard to concentrate on protecting your battleships when you keep  thinking about all the water they are floating in.

Everyone is getting excited now!
There is still no press conference.
But the MPs have come out of their implosion meeting.
They are not allowed to talk, so now all their friends are finding what it is they are not allowed to say.

Ms Pop-Up has been imploded! 
Now she will get to spend more time with her family and her swamp kauri!

Who is the new Pop-Up leader?
We do not know yet!

The National Party do not know either!
They have decided not to choose.

They say, 
for now, Dr Shane Reti is our Prop-Up Leader.

The two MPs they have decided not to choose between are Mr Luxon and Mr Mitchell.

Now Mr Luxon and Mr Mitchell have to get the MPs to think it is a good idea to vote for them.
Mr Mitchell used to be a mercenary.
Mr Luxon has friends who are missionaries.
So they both know a lot about getting people to stick their hands up in the air.

Amelia is watching the press gang.
She says,
It’s Tova! I see Tova, miss!

Tova has a microphone and she is looking at the camera.
It looks as though she is getting ready to say, 
This is an implosion 
and
This is a party at each other's throats
and 
Some members are saying things like ‘Labour were never this bad in opposition. We are eating ourselves alive’.
and
The truth is, as someone on Twitter said, being ruthless is not the same as being competent.

Maybe she might even say,
It’s amazing to me how far you can go in politics without actually being any good at politics
and
This is the end of an error.

But you have to be careful how far you go when you’re in the press gang.