Flying High with Kia Kaha Airlines
Thursday School Journal
It is a big day at Kia Kaha Airlines!
Chris is here!
Chris used to run Kia Kaha Airlines.
But Chris is very modest about this.
All he will say is:
I turned it around and saved it big time.
People who know about airlines say this is a bit like running behind a bus with your hand on the bumper and saying,
I am pushing 50 people to work.
But it is a thing Chris likes to say now that he is trying to be Prime Minister.
People who do not know about airlines or communism are very impressed by Chris.
They say,
I will vote for Chris because he ran an airline and saved it big time and also he is not a communist.
Photo / Michael Craig
Chris rolls his bag into the Koru Lounge.
He smiles at Aroha behind the counter.
Chris looks at her name badge and says,
hello Aroha, it's good to be back.
Aroha smiles and says,
good morning sir.
She does not know that he is Chris who used to run Kia Kaha Airlines.
It is funny how fast people can forget who you are.
I’m off to Wellington, Chris says.
That’s nice, says Aroha.
I’m super excited says Chris, we’re going to unleash New Zealand so that we can be out there in the world happening to our future, rather than letting the future happen to us.
That’s nice, says Aroha.
Aroha picks up the phone.
Aroha says,
hello Aroha speaking,
as though someone has called her.
But nobody has called Aroha.
It is time to board the plane!
The pilots are in the plane already!
Their names are Captain Oveur and Roger.
It is very funny when the control tower talks to them.
Chris remembers their names from when he used to say hello to all the pilots.
He calls out,
Roger that, Oveur!
This is a joke Chris is making.
But they do not seem to notice.
Chris shows his phone to Amelia. It says,
seat 1F.
Chris looks at Amelia’s name badge and says,
Hello Amelia it's good to be back.
Amelia smiles and says,
Good morning sir.
I’m off to Wellington to unleash New Zealand, Chris says.
That’s nice, says Amelia
Chris is in the sky!
He is on his way to Wellington to unleash New Zealand!
There is a boy in seat 1D. His name is Joey
Chris smiles at him and says,
Hi my name’s Chris. I used to run this airline and I saved it with my bare hands. I bring a fresh set of eyes, and what I see is that this place and this country needs a shake-up.
Chris says to Joey,
I believe in a New Zealand that rewards hard work; a New Zealand that empowers Kiwis to take a punt and create prosperity for themselves and their families
Joey looks at Chris. He puts his headphones on.
It is time to drink the coffee.
It doesn't taste very good at all.
No one is surprised, so they keep drinking it.
But there is a different reason it tastes terrible.
Someone has put something very bad in the coffee.
Oh no! Will everyone get sick?
Why did someone put something bad in the coffee?
It was put there by someone who hates the Covid vaccine.
They do not have any vaccine in them.
But this is strange because if you have no vaccine in you, you aren’t allowed to work in the Kia Kaha Airlines kitchen!
Maybe they used a fake letter from a bad doctor in Kaiapoi.
Oh no! Captain Oveur and Roger have drunk the coffee!
Captain Oveur and Roger are chundering all over the cockpit and passing out!
It is just like Crate Day!
Now they cannot fly the plane!
Amelia is talking into the microphone.
Amelia is saying,
We appreciate you had a choice today and we thank you for choosing to fly with Kia Kaha Airlines. By the way – is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
No-one puts up their hand.
Amelia picks up the microphone again.
She says,
No but seriously guys, anyone?
Joey says to Amelia,
Old mate here says he used to run the airline. And saved it with his bare hands.
Amelia looks at Chris.
Is that true, sir? she asks,
can you fly this plane and land it?
Chris says,
Look I was just CEO, surely you can’t be serious.
I am serious, says Amelia,
and don’t call me Shirley.
Chris is in the cockpit!
Can he unleash the potential of the plane?
He picks up the microphone.
The door opens.
It is Todd Muller!
Todd used to want to be the Prime Minister too!
But now he is just the passenger in 23C.
Todd says,
I just want to tell you good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Chris picks up the microphone and says,
Talking about something gets you a headline. Actually getting things done is what matters.
Chris says,
We will bring the tide back in and lift all boats.
The passengers look at each other. This is a funny thing to say about a plane.
Also one of the engines has started to make a strange sound.
Chris says,
We need to seize the tremendous opportunities we have, rather than squander them.
Oh no, now the nose has started pointing down!
The passengers do not know it, but Chris does not know how to use the controls.
He only knows how to say things to incentivise or de-risk the people who use controls going forward.
Chris says,
I've seen the incredible things that people can accomplish when they are freed up and given the tools and the choices to seize opportunities.
Does this stop the noise?
It does not stop the noise.
Chris says,
As I often say, we're all going to get the country we deserve - and I firmly believe that together we - each and every one of us - can achieve the very best.
The plane seems to be falling.
Is the plane falling?
It is getting very scary.
Nothing Chris says seems to be making a difference.
What will happen to the passengers?
Someone is taking out their cellphone
You are not allowed to make a call on a plane.
But they are doing it anyway.
They are calling for help.
Will help come?
Chris is still talking into the microphone.
He is saying,
I know how to put aspiration, ambition, confidence, and mojo back into this country. We're not going to go play a small, fearful, inward-looking game. We will....
Suddenly there is a thud.
Why has there been a thud?
They have been rescued!
They have thudded onto the top of a Bristol freighter that is flying underneath them!
How has this happened?
The Bristol freighter is being flown by Neve’s dad Clarke and his friend the house shifter!
Now they can bring the plane into land while it is sitting on top of them!
This is not an easy thing to do, especially when a plane still has its jet engines going.
But house shifters are very clever and so is Clarke.
Clarke is taking out his phone.
He is calling Neve's Mum!
It was Jacinda who got him to help!
Isn't Chris lucky to have Jacinda protecting him ?
How will he ever be able to thank her enough?
Todd has opened the cockpit door again.
He says to Chris,
I just want to tell you good luck. We’re all counting on you.
And when the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling, the entitled couple in seats 3A and 3B, proudly waved their exemption certificates.
I'd had a wonderful day before I read this, and it made it even better!