Bumper Labour Day Quiz

Sort-of-a-diary of the last 100 hours

Happy Labour Day holiday! Instead of a diary on this glorious sunny day, here’s a quiz.

Answers are not at the end, you’ll know them when they come to you.

1. In this actual picture taken by reliable photographers we see the current state of the actual hands of Mitch McConnell, senate majority leader and man largely responsible for many of the most egregious constitutional outrages in the once-functional democracy of the USA. What has he been doing to put his hands in this scorched and frankly gross state?

a. Shaking hands with Satan

b. Shaking hands with Trump

c. Frantically trying to put out the fire in Rudy’s trousers

2. What has happened to America?

a. Nothing to worry about 

b. At least 13% of the Handmaid's Tale

c. Nothing that can't be fixed by standing in line for eight hours and hoping your vote will be counted and not ‘disappeared’ or  invalidated

3. This man wants Britons to be able to go on using e-gates when they enter France and Germany and Spain and other EU destinations even though the the whole fucking point is that after Brexit, you lose those rights. The EU is saying YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. What is Johnson’s next move?

a. Bluster

b. Lie

c. Saunter off for a bit of chat with the fruity wee bit of totty who just started working in Dominic’s office 

d. Bluster and lie

e. Leave it to Dominic

4. Match the following lyrics from absolute funk classic Tell Me Something Good by Rufus and Chaka Khan with the following absolute classic members of National Party Caucus 2020.

If you think they’re already a fairly decent match, all good, go on to the next question.

5. In this photo we see White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany handing a book to Lesley Stahl before her 60 Minutes interview of the president. The pages turned out to be all  blank. What do we call this?

a. Entirely emblematic 

b. The most desirable approach those clowns could take to policy

c. The Aristocrats

The Recount @therecount

Following his "60 Minutes" interview, Trump did not smile to greet cheering supporters as he departed the White House.

6. In this moving footage following the interview, we see the man who believes you’re not a war hero if you’re captured, the man who got his father to get his doctor to get him out of the Vietnam war because of his ouchy feet, in a state of some dejection. What is going through the mind of the leader of the free world?

a. Big boys don't cry

b. Big boys don't cry

c. Big boys don't cry

7. An Auckland morning newspaper is reporting that Billy TK has cut his ties with the Advance NZ party. Is this the last we will hear of him?

a. Only if you’re destroying your Facebook account

b. Only if he’s not thinking about a move on NZ First

c. Fake news bro. They’ve been spreading it through 5G towers. If you see one you should burn it down

8. A New Zealander who is presently executive editor of The Sun says NZ is rooted because we don't have enough Covid and everyone else is getting herd immunity. What should we do?

a. The opposite of whatever the Murdoch media says

b. Move him up past Chris Liddell on the leaderboard of expat Kiwis making us look a bit shit

c. Go on enjoying Level 1 and feel sorry for any poor bastard who has to live in the middle of that Tory calamity

9. If we hooked up everyone’s Covid card to their EFTPOS card, what would that do to our track and tracing?

a. It would surely turbocharge it

b. It would surely keep us Covid-free

c. It would make Billy TK lose his shit

d. It might make Dan Wooton want to quit the Sun and come home

e. It might make Chris Liddell want to quit that orange monster in the White House and come home

10. Would you be all good with having your EFTPOS hooked to your Covid card?

a. Shit yes I like Level 1 best

b. Shit no, I want us to get herd immunity

c. Shit no I’m Billy TK

11. Do you understand that herd immunity is not a thing if there is no vaccine and no country has got anywhere near a large enough extent of infection yet anyway and the hospitals could still be sunk by a surge and also there's no certainty the antibodies will endure to give you immunity?

a. Shit yes I like Level 1 best

b. Shit no, I’m an editor for Rupert Murdoch.

c. Shit no I’m Billy TK

d. I couldn't GAF mate, I'm Chris Liddell and I’m too busy trying to locate a fire extinguisher