Australia Day

Thursday School Journal

It is Australia Day.
Australia Day is like a birthday party.
Only it is for the day when some people came to Australia and said the joint belongs to us now.

It is not very nice to do that when people have already been there for 60,000 years.

It is sort of like if you see an empty house so you go and start living in it,
only it is not empty and the owners come back.
So you shout at them and tell them to go away
or you shoot them
or you get the police to put them in jail.
And a hundred years later you go and find them at their new home and you say,
I am taking away your children for their own good.

Some people think this is not a very good thing to have a party about.
But Scotty the Prime Minister thinks it is a very good idea.
Scotty is always saying to everybody,
Mate, how good is Australia?

This makes it sound like he does not know.
But he is not actually asking.
This is a thing you say when you think something is really good. 

Scotty thinks Australia is the best country in the world.

Before he was the Prime Minister, Scotty used to have jobs getting advertisements made for the TV and the back of buses.

The advertisements would say things like,
How good is Australia 
and 
Where the bloody hell are ya?

He also got advertisements made that said, 
New Zealand is 100 percent Pure.

New Zealand is not 100 percent Pure.
But Scotty thinks people worry far too much about things like that.

Scotty wakes up and stretches in his pyjamas.
He leans over to his wife Jen.
He pokes her in the arm and says, 
Happy Australia day. Going to be a ripper I reckon.

Jen is reading her iPad.
Jen doesn’t say anything.

Scott pokes her in the arm.
He says don't you reckon?

Jen is the person Scotty rings up if he needs to say something a grownup would say.
Jen puts down her iPad and looks at Scotty.
Maybe, says Jen, or maybe not. Quite a few people are not all that keen on it, you know.

Scotty does a big grin. He pats Jen on the head.
He says I'll get a smile on their dials don’t you worry.
Jen looks at Scotty. She picks her iPad back up.

It is breakfast time on Australia Day.
Scotty is eating his muesli and talking to a man on the radio.
He is saying,
Looking forward to the tennis tonight, who do you like, mate?
and also,
Mate how good is Australia?

Now he is having his coffee and talking to another man on the radio.
He is saying,
Looking forward to the tennis tonight, who do you like, mate?
and also,
Mate how good is Australia?

Scotty sounds happy.
But really he is a bit sad. 
Earlier this week he had morning tea with an Australian of the Year.
Her name is Grace.
Scotty got the photographer to take a picture of Grace and Jen and him.
When the photographers said smile, Grace did not smile.

It is not very nice when a pretty girl standing next to you will not smile.

Grace has a job telling everyone about horrible things men do to women.
Scotty went on TV and said that he understood all about that because Jen had explained it to him about how he had a wife and some daughters. 

Sometimes Scotty wishes he could say to the blokes on the radio,
mate how good is my feminism?
If she could have just heard some top blokes on the radio rating his feminism,
he reckons Grace would have smiled at him.

Scotty's car is outside the front door. 
It is ready to take him to Australia Day.

Scotty’s assistant Kylie is already in the car.
It is her job to tell Scotty where they are going and to answer the phone and tell the media when he will be ready to go on air and say,
Mate how good is Australia and looking forward to the tennis tonight, who do you like mate?

They are supposed to be going to the beach.
But feeling sad has made Scotty hungry. 
Scotty says,
How about we stop for a Great Australian Pie first? 

Scotty is in the pie shop.
The media are taking pictures, 
Scotty says,
How good are pies eh? 
What's more Australian than steak and cheese?

Scotty says,
I want to shake the hand of the bloke who made this.
The owner takes him into the kitchen.
He says, 
This is Soo-Yin, she made your pie.

Scotty says, 
Good on you Soo-Yin.

Scotty feels a bit awkward.
He steps backward.
He bumps into the stove.
Nobody notices a towel fall onto the gas hob.

It is time to leave the pie shop.
It is time to go to a Great Australian beach for a Great Australian swim.

Suddenly there is a sound from the kitchen.
Soo-Yin is saying,
Oh no! Fire!

Scotty is shaking the owner's hand in front of the cameras.
He says in a big voice,
No worries Soo Yin, we’ll get you some Valued Australian First Responders immediately.

Scotty is back in the car.
They are on the way to the beach.
Scotty is looking out the window.
He sees some protestors.
He scowls at them.
Their signs say 
Pay The Rent
and
Beds Are Burning

Oh shit, just remembered, 
says Scotty,
can you get the local fire station for me?

Kylie has called the number.
It is ringing.
Kylie passes the phone to Scotty.
Scotty looks puzzled.
Kyle says, First Responder.

The voice on the phone says, 
Fire station, Wayne here.

Scotty says, 
Wayne, this is Scotty Morrison your Prime Minister speaking, how's it going mate?

Oh pretty good Prime Minister thanks, how about yourself? asks Wayne.

Not too bad at all Wayne, says Scotty,
having a ripper little Australia Day. Just had a top Aussie steak and cheese pie and I think we're going to be having a dip next. Then later we might catch a bit of the Aussie Open. Got any plans yourself Wayne?

Wayne says,
Well I'm on duty, Prime Minister, so I suppose we’ll just be here and hope no one catches fire.

Scotty says, 
Good one Wayne! Actually that's the reason I was calling, the pie shop we were just in wanted us to let you know they've got a bit of a fire on the go, so I told them I'd give you a shout.

Shit, what? says Wayne,
Pie shop did you say? How do we get there?

Scotty pauses and looks at Kylie as he says into the phone, 
Well I assume you’ve still got those big red trucks Wayne, I'd say that would be the go.

No, I mean the address, says Wayne.

Oh right, says Scotty, look I’ll put my assistant back on, she'll have all that for you.  Anyway good yarning, Wayne, have a good one. 

Scotty is at the beach!
Scotty has got his togs on.
Scotty is going for a swim.

The crowd and the cameras are following him.
He says to the crowd and the cameras,
How good is the Australian Beach eh?

Oh no! 
Look! Out there between the flags!
Is that a shark!
It is!
And is that a swimmer?
And has the shark got hold of her?
It has! Oh no!
And nobody has seen!
They are all listening to Scotty!

How good is this water? says Scotty.

There is screaming coming from between the flags
Kylie looks over to the bubbling water. 
She nudges Scotty. 
She whispers,
I think someone might be in trouble. 

Scotty grins and says in a big voice,
My assistant is worried, I think she's found some protestors.
Saw a ragtag mob on the way in, good on them.
If they want to badmouth their country, that's their democratic right that we defended for them on the Kokoda trail and the Somme. 
So good luck to them.
But if you ask me it's UnAustralian frankly.

The reporters chuckle and keep filming Scotty. 

It is quiet again now between the flags.