At the end of the day we'll always have John Key

You hold your nose and ignore all the other stuff and vote for the pig, because he's a market-driven pig

He dumped us years ago, but the media still pines for him, stalks his Insta, has a little flutter of the heart whenever he saunters back into the room.

So naturally Stuff wanted to hear everything John Key had to say about the US election. And although the tape goes for 20 minutes, it can be summarised fairly concisely — although not quite as concisely a…