And the lord said let there be clouds

Stuff Jan 27 2019

Now in the land of the mighty ABs where breakfasts and hangovers were great as an oxen, there hovered an long white cloud. And this was an cloud made from smoke. And its fragrance was sweet as.

And many were the people making the cloud saying "cone time yeah boi". And "where are the papers" was a thing they might also say.

And the makers of laws came saying: "we prohibit this you shall smoke no more, here have some rum and coke instead, try this vodka alcopop, fancy another?" and the smokers were sore puzzled saying "you get way more carved up when you drink but whatever."

Now the time came to choose a new ruler, and the people did cast their votes saying "save the planet" and "more taxes", and some did say "more roads" and "more tax cuts". And some did say "legalise weed", and these people were much pleased with the ruler chosen for them by the one known as Winston.

And the people who had voted for roads and tax cuts were exceeding sore and did pout and sulk, and this did not stop for twenty days, and neither did it stop for twenty months. And the one who did speak for them was Paula.

Now Paula had come among the people known as Westie saying "I am one of you for the purpose of being elected, feel my leopard spots you like that don't you, you loveable rascals."

And there were some who would put out their hand saying "please may I have a benefit I really need one." And there were some who did not care for this saying "those people should put their hand away and sort themselves out." And Paula did do both of these things.

And "zip it sweetie" was something she might say.

And she might also say "here's a letter she sent in private get a load of what she has to say, let's just say I wouldn't trust her".

And Paula was praised for this, and her peers did raise her up and even did they make her their drugs czar-monger.

Now there was one Chloe who came saying "I don't like drugs at all but for pity's sake, can everyone not see how broken this system is and shouldn't we be changing it and btw let's clear up a few things about the referendum."

And the breakfast television people did reach for their iPhones saying: "let's get Chloe and Paula on for a bit of biff."

Now Chloe had an skill, and this skill was the skill of reading and learning.

And Paula had an skill and this skill was the skill of remembering words from the fourth form said in a hiss.

And she did say that she was not opposed to the rehabilitation and health stuff and the war on drugs had been a disaster obviously. And also she did say, but we need to be coming down incredibly hard on gangs.

And Chloe did say in a kindly voice: actually when prohibition ended, so did most of the crime.

And Paula did say "I just want all the facts out there so that we can have an informed debate" and this is a thing that someone says with an open mind. And also she said she'd heard huge numbers of kiddies have fried their little brain cells in places where it's been legalised.

And Chloe did not say unto Paula in the usual way of politics FFS you just said you're waiting for the evidence, but in the next breath, you're using any old stuff to get a hysterical reaction.

But she did ask in a kindly voice what evidence she was referring to with regard to all the kiddies frying their brains and did she mean the 2017 Rocky Mountain report because that one had been not to put too fine a point on it completely debunked and maybe using that report was a bit cynical.

And Paula did call up the words she learned from the fourth form, and these were "trying to put me down" and "passive-aggressive" and "I've been in politics for far too long to jump at that one".

But she did not say out loud "huckery moll" because you never use your best line in the first fight.