A month of protesting

Free Thursday School Journal

It is really stupid protest time in Aotearoa!
People are coming from all over!

It is not easy to get to a protest.

You try to send messages to the others to say where to go,
but other pretend people get on your Telegram group and say,
Here is the address where we are meeting see u soon fellow really stupid protestor.
And when you get there it is just a meatworks and not the Dannevirke KFC.

And if you live in the South Island you have to get on the Cook Strait ferry.
And the ticket collector will say,
Have you got a vaccine pass?
And you will say to the ticket collector,
If I had a vaccine pass I wouldn't be on this fricken protest would I?
And then you will be stuck in Picton.
And people on Twitter will write OMG it's #Dumbkirk LOL 

The protestors have got to Wellington!
They are at the home of Democracy and Mr Speaker Trevor.

They are here to tell the government they are angry at them for being monsters.
They want the government to come out and apologise for being monsters and possibly get hanged.
Also some of the yoga mums want to show them how to do a better Tree Pose.
But mostly they want the apology and the hangings.

Jacinda you monster come out and talk to us,
say the placards.
But they don’t say,
so we can yell at you and be completely illogical
about the mandates and vaccines that have protected everybody.

Are you going to go out there? the reporters ask Jacinda.
Can’t see the point tbh, says Jacinda. 

Oh no! The protestors have parked their cars and vans wherever they like!
They will be sad when they come back and find their cars and trucks have been towed away. 
When you get towed away you have to go way across town to the yard.
And the man snarls at you.
And you have to pay him like a grand to get your Ranger back.

But something odd is happening!
The cars and trucks are not being towed away.
And the protesters are putting up tents on Mr Speaker Trevor's lawn!
It is strange that they are not in trouble.
This is not what usually happens to your cars and tents when you live in a tyrannical fascist police state.

But wait!
Now there are lots and lots of police.
They are making a big line.
They are arresting people one by one.
It will probably be over soon,
just as soon as they get through arresting everyone who is on Mr Speaker Trevor's lawn.

But wait again!
It is not going to be over soon!
The police are arresting people at the front but you can still come in through the gate at the back.

Now everyone is looking at the sky.
There is a cyclone!
Also Mr Trevor Speaker has left the lawn sprinklers on.
Also he is playing Barry Manilow as loud as you can.

Will the protestors say, 
Time to go home now we've made our point?

Or will they say,
Fuck you Trevor, see how easy it is to dig trenches and run the water off?
How do you like that bro this is our lawn now, not yours.
Now come outside so we can talk about your show trial.

See if you can guess.

Now the lawn is a mess! 
And there is a camp that smells! 
And someone has been stealing mats from playgrounds and putting hay on top of the lawn.
And someone has been spitting at people walking past who are wearing masks.
And someone has been scary to children on their way to school.

It is just like the old days of the Springbok Tour protest.
Except for the smell.
And the stealing.
And the spitting and the scaring and the hangings.

Now the police are telling the protestors they can stop worrying about getting towed away and snarled at.
They can park their cars at the stadium! 
The police have lined it all up for free.
That is a very good deal.
It is very expensive to park in Wellington.

Will the protesters say,
Thank you, that would be very helpful, we don't want to cause inconvenience while we protest
Or will they say,
Go fuck yourselves pigs
It is getting easier to guess, isn't it?

Now the protestors are doing a play.

It is a play where you pretend you are a coloniser and you say,
I have by allodial colour of law
the right to warn you off this lawn which is totally my property now
and you can’t arrest me because
Barry Soper Barry Soper Barry Soper I said it three times now,
that’s habeas corpus christie.

Also they are roughing up reporters.
Poor reporters.
Maybe it is not a very good idea to find out the truth and report it.
Maybe you should do it the way Mike Hosking does.
Mike just asks himself what he reckons and says that into the microphone.
That is a lot safer.

It has been three weeks and the protestors are still on the lawn.
Why are they still here?
Is it because they listen to Mike Hosking and believe him?

Or is it because they are watching Counterspin?
Counterspin is what you watch to find out about overthrowing the government.
Counterspin is what you watch to find out about the international paedophile ring that the government is totally part of.
Counterspin is what you watch to hear about all your rights being taken away from you.
Even though they aren't.
Although they probably would be if the Counterspin people were in charge.
Which is a little bit ironic really.

If you prefer to hear about overthrowing the government while you're making a pretty quilt, you should probably watch Liz Gunn instead.

Oh no! 
The protestors have been throwing stuff from the toilet at the police!
Who will respect them now?

It is okay! 
Russell the foreign sailor says he respects them.
Gilda the socialite says she respects them.
Jason the oily singer says he respects them.
Lots of people like Winston and Rodney and Seymour are keen to come and have their photo taken with the really stupid protestors.

Now it has been three weeks or something.
Perhaps the protestors are here for good!

But wait! 
Someone has put a stud finder with a big needle next to the concrete blocks.
The needle says: danger danger full of rays.
It says: government beaming rays at protestors and making them sick.
Oh no!
The really stupid protestors are getting all the same symptoms you would be getting if Covid was real!
It is so confusing!
Now everyone is wrapped in tinfoil like a doner kebab.

But wait! For the last time!
The police have decided there has been enough really stupid protest now.
They have come with their riot shields and helmets and pepper spray and sponge bullets to say morning all, that's enough you can go home now.

Will the protestors go home quietly?
Or will they set fire to everything and throw gas bottles and lift up pavers from the footpath and hurl them at the police?

It is not hard to guess at all now is it?

Now it is quiet again at the home of democracy and Mr Speaker Trevor.

Some people say,
Yay the police thanks guys.
Some people say,
Yay and everything but are you sure it needed to take that long bro?
And some people say,
No denying it now,
really stupid people having their strings pulled by actual fascists
is for sure something to be worrying about.